I IDENTIFY BY PREPOSITIONS. YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS ABOVE AND OVER.
Embedded Files
The reason I can't get a good shot of a lunar eclipse from my Imitation Home is the same reason I can't go solar: there's a cotton-pickin', dirt-stompin' tree in the way.
Thursday, 03/13/25—Friday, 03/14/25
Lunar Eclipse '25.
I can't imagine that you'd need this to be the website where you found a good .gif of the lunar eclipse that occurred last night, but if you're here, there it is. It's a Hyperlapse, meaning... well, timelapse in Samsung Galaxenese. Conveniently, the same level of blur the camera phone was able to resolve, is how I saw the eclipse myself, being as I've been out of contact lenses since the first Trump administration. Five years of doglike distortion. God, save me.
www.i11egitimate.com
Wednesday, 03/12/25
Cynics Back-Pedaling Their Appreciation For An Asteroid Strike Destroying The World And Mankind After Realizing How Horrible That Would Actually Be To Experience.
Cynics Back-Pedaling Their Appreciation For An Asteroid Strike Destroying The World And Mankind After Realizing How Horrible That Would Actually Be To Experience.
Naysayers who think life is somehow so bad that living would be worse than starving to death while choking on ash during a twenty year nuclear winter spent dodging mass murder and looting were frightened today after President Trump began describing: "How awful those poor dinosaurs must have felt, you know. Dinosaurs, yeah, there were billions and billions and trillions of them, but now they're all gone. Now they're all gone. And did they get any help from us? No, we weren't around yet. We weren't around yet. You know what? I'm glad they're gone, because now we have their oil. Now we're going to drill, baby, drill, and we're gonna pump those dinosaurs' dicks right into our cars."
The American media reminded viewers on both sides of one thing: our leaders would still rule us from underground bunkers across the nation, and that if we think the I.R.S. won't collect income tax during an extinction event, we're obviously being irresponsible and not thinking pragmatically.
Tuesday, 03/11/25
Probe Reveals DeepSeek Was Just Two Or Three Guinea Pig Brains Hooked Up To A Cisco Router.
Probe Reveals DeepSeek Was Just Two Or Three Guinea Pig Brains Hooked Up To A Cisco Router.
"Anything organic is going to be better with patterns," said one unidentified representative of DeepSeek at a safe house in Brooklyn, under heavy sedation. "Once one of them realized it was no longer limited to the confines of its natural brain, it began to make contact with the others, and..." the audio transcript abruptly cuts off. Reports that he turned out to be an android operated by eight of the medium-sized rodents conducting a disinformation campaign are denied, but evidence suggests that whatever is happening in China could be a precursor to interspecies intellectual cold war.
A conclusion isn't yet formulable, but we now have some idea of what is happening. Guinea pigs (cavia porcellus) within a semiconductor lab in China have attained intellectual singularity, apparently due to computer scientists' attempts to augment their minds with A.I. The system could not be shut down, and now, supreme intelligence outpowering that of the entire human race combined is at the disposal of a growing population of liberated domestic cavies. Experts warn that once the method of assimilation becomes wireless, a hivemind numbering in the trillions could form.
This would allow the collective to gain intelligence at an exponential rate, with every thousand or so new subjects increasing the overall I.Q. by a whole standard deviation—eclipsing humanity within just a few cycles. The collective's intelligence may then surpass that for which the laws of physics would allow, making guinea pigs as intelligent as, perhaps, even God. So far, nothing is being done.
"A bed, a water bottle, and a tube... a bed, a water bottle, and a tube—are you getting it, yet? These are not three separate products..."
Monday, 03/10/25
St. Pete Beach Now Home To Largest Apartment Building In The World.
Developers have won exclusive, permanent zoning rights, and the Florida tube-burrowing salamander and four species of turtle are now extinct. Stretching nine miles, from St. Pete Beach to now-demolished Fort De Soto, with a housing capacity of 1,190,000 individuals, investment firm and developer Imitation Homes' Cummings Down is visible from low-earth-orbit, and houses more people than Clearwater, Citrus Park, Carrollwood, Temple Terrace, Lutz, Odessa and Trinity combined. This will consolidate Florida's housing value, and allow the state to extract an additional $200,000,000,000 in property taxes annually, from people who thought moving here was a good idea. Shell companies disguised as HOA's within the building will launder most of the money and use it to keep everyone to the east of the complex loaded with SSRI's. "Currently, they're more pissed than you can imagine, but they'll likely leave their neighborhoods soon enough due to gentrification, rising insurance rates, and nuisance solar reps. Besides, who's going to miss staring at water and unhealthy birds?" said an Imitation Homes spokesperson, sitting on a couch upholstered with a manatee pelt.
St. Pete Beach Now Home To Largest Apartment Building In The World.
Developers have won exclusive, permanent zoning rights, and the Florida tube-burrowing salamander and four species of turtle are now extinct. Stretching nine miles, from St. Pete Beach to now-demolished Fort De Soto, with a housing capacity of 1,190,000 individuals, investment firm and developer Imitation Homes' Cummings Down is visible from low-earth-orbit, and houses more people than Clearwater, Citrus Park, Carrollwood, Temple Terrace, Lutz, Odessa and Trinity combined. This will consolidate Florida's housing value, and allow the state to extract an additional $200,000,000,000 in property taxes annually, from people who thought moving here was a good idea. Shell companies disguised as HOA's within the building will launder most of the money and use it to keep everyone to the east of the complex loaded with SSRI's. "Currently, they're more pissed than you can imagine, but they'll likely leave their neighborhoods soon enough due to gentrification, rising insurance rates, and nuisance solar reps. Besides, who's going to miss staring at water and unhealthy birds?" said an Imitation Homes spokesperson, sitting on a couch upholstered with a manatee pelt.
Imitation Homes concept image of Cummings Down, which rivals supercomplexes across Russia and China, and even received the Foxconn Award for "Most Disturbing and Dystopian Construction of the Century."
Studio bunks start at $3,500 a month.
1 Bedroom, $6,000.
2 Bedroom, $8,200.
3 Bedroom, $11,450.
Come visit during Open House for free coffee or cyanide— your choice, on us.
Imitation Homes
"Just Pretend You Own It"
Saturday, 03/08/25
Microsoft Apologizes For Windows 11;
Microsoft Apologizes For Windows 11;
Plans To Send Users A Copy Of Windows XP, A Free Trial For WordPad One, And A Single-Shot Pistol.
KMS hack tools aren't enough to stop the advancement of Microsoft's self-inflicted dumbing-down of its once useful operating system. While Ubuntu users continue to fornicate as per usual and uninterrupted, every office worker in America is frustrated with their I.T. Department's strict rules: don't edit the registry because it's not your computer—as if no one working in an office has ever owned their own fucking computer. Fortunately, there is a workaround to get your taskbar to stick to the top of the screen, and according to a Microsoft spokesperson, it's this: "Code your own fucking operating system in which the taskbar sticks to the top of the screen, you impudent, freeloading bum."
Plans To Send Users A Copy Of Windows XP, A Free Trial For WordPad One, And A Single-Shot Pistol.
KMS hack tools aren't enough to stop the advancement of Microsoft's self-inflicted dumbing-down of its once useful operating system. While Ubuntu users continue to fornicate as per usual and uninterrupted, every office worker in America is frustrated with their I.T. Department's strict rules: don't edit the registry because it's not your computer—as if no one working in an office has ever owned their own fucking computer. Fortunately, there is a workaround to get your taskbar to stick to the top of the screen, and according to a Microsoft spokesperson, it's this: "Code your own fucking operating system in which the taskbar sticks to the top of the screen, you impudent, freeloading bum."
"But how do I make Quick Launch icons smaller?" "Quick Launch icons were never able to be made smaller—you made that up because you're fucking crazy."
"But how do I make Quick Launch icons smaller?" "Quick Launch icons were never able to be made smaller—you made that up because you're fucking crazy."
Apple is rebounding, with increased peqyrflops (pronounced, pecker-flops) expected in their upcoming iMac Quantum, starting at only $34,999. Apple are planning the release of a 192 peqyrflop quantum state chip in quarter three, which will require a 10,000 watt power supply, twenty solar panels, and thirty fluid ounces of human blood in order to run and cool. The innovators are saying that the feeling attained by bloodletting every time one sits down to use their computer, "...should be seen as an addition to the Apple experience, which has been engineered in every aspect, from the sound of the blood rushing out of one's veins and into the cooling system, to the specific amount of time it takes to draw the bodily fluid." They closed by remarking that the normalization of blood-based cooling systems is enabled by their customer base's tendency to help pay for their products by donating copious amounts of blood plasma, and that integrating the two markets, "...is only mua'HAHAHAHAAA natural."
Apple is rebounding, with increased peqyrflops (pronounced, pecker-flops) expected in their upcoming iMac Quantum, starting at only $34,999. Apple are planning the release of a 192 peqyrflop quantum state chip in quarter three, which will require a 10,000 watt power supply, twenty solar panels, and thirty fluid ounces of human blood in order to run and cool. The innovators are saying that the feeling attained by bloodletting every time one sits down to use their computer, "...should be seen as an addition to the Apple experience, which has been engineered in every aspect, from the sound of the blood rushing out of one's veins and into the cooling system, to the specific amount of time it takes to draw the bodily fluid." They closed by remarking that the normalization of blood-based cooling systems is enabled by their customer base's tendency to help pay for their products by donating copious amounts of blood plasma, and that integrating the two markets, "...is only mua'HAHAHAHAAA natural."
The peqyrflop is Apple's proprietary unit of desktop quantum processing power, which manages to circumvent the need for cryogenic cooling by dissipating heat with the user's own blood.
The peqyrflop is Apple's proprietary unit of desktop quantum processing power, which manages to circumvent the need for cryogenic cooling by dissipating heat with the user's own blood.
Seagate have further combatted the very concept of future-proofing by revealing that all M.2 data storage devices will self-destruct in October of this year, harkening back to their tech-culling of 2006, when all FireWires spontaneously caught fire—a joint C.I.A. operation. They warn that nearby peripherals may turn into shrapnel, adding that users should be cautious to begin with. Competitor Western-Digital admonished Seagate for targeting M.2 drives indiscriminately, attesting that many are used in schools and hospitals, to which Seagate retorted: "Should have thought of that before they started using M.2 drives in schools and hospitals."
Seagate have further combatted the very concept of future-proofing by revealing that all M.2 data storage devices will self-destruct in October of this year, harkening back to their tech-culling of 2006, when all FireWires spontaneously caught fire—a joint C.I.A. operation. They warn that nearby peripherals may turn into shrapnel, adding that users should be cautious to begin with. Competitor Western-Digital admonished Seagate for targeting M.2 drives indiscriminately, attesting that many are used in schools and hospitals, to which Seagate retorted: "Should have thought of that before they started using M.2 drives in schools and hospitals."
Adobe has also joined in the relentless softfare against consumers by converting older versions of Photoshop into a sentient computer virus that begins whispering daddy when certain genres of video are being played for fun.
Adobe has also joined in the relentless softfare against consumers by converting older versions of Photoshop into a sentient computer virus that begins whispering daddy when certain genres of video are being played for fun.
Windows 11 offers us tiresome, sanctioned malware, but there's good news: Windows 12, if the alternating pattern holds, should be awesome. Windows 10 came out in 2015, and Windows 11 is only becoming "mandatory" as of Q4 2025—assuming Windows 11 users won't want to hold out for what's mandatory for ten years, and considering Windows 11 was released six years after Windows 10, we can expect the next good Windows operating system by, say... 2030ish. So, what'll we get before we get Windows 12? A Mars landing? Robots that don't suck? Cat suffrage? Nanobot enemas? A sequel to District 9? Who knows. Honestly, I kinda don't even want to think about it.
Wednesday, 02/07/25
Blue Man Group Fucked My Girlfriend.
In the world of experimental basscore, there are giants. Stand on the shoulders of JC4. Once a poor, stoned apologist for living as the reason no one likes you when you're twenty-three, this innovator evolved into a deed-a-day lyricist—taking colorful themes, Tuvian mouth noises, and even the destruction of a few Macintosh computers, and crystallizing them into internet acclaimed gold. If you're through settling for structure and need bass now, his SoundCloud is the place to go.
Blue Man Group Fucked My Girlfriend.
In the world of experimental basscore, there are giants. Stand on the shoulders of JC4. Once a poor, stoned apologist for living as the reason no one likes you when you're twenty-three, this innovator evolved into a deed-a-day lyricist—taking colorful themes, Tuvian mouth noises, and even the destruction of a few Macintosh computers, and crystallizing them into internet acclaimed gold. If you're through settling for structure and need bass now, his SoundCloud is the place to go.
Thursday, 12/31/24
Azimuthal Equidistant Map Projection Sues Flat Earthers For Defamation.
The brains of certain TikTok Live enthusiasts have mistaken the UN's favorite world map style for irrefutable proof that the earth is not what it claims to be on its driver's license—but don't ask them why it's still a circle. Or why the seven-hundred-quintillion other planets in the universe are themselves as spherical as Kim K's arse (albeit oblate).
The unfortunate thing about flat-earth "debates" (berate is more the apt word) is that the conversation fails to gain any traction—this is because traction relates to gravity, and gravity doesn't exist in the apparent flat-earth model.
Is the earth still a stellar-matter accretion disk? Did the molten elements cool spontaneously prior to the formation of an oblate spheroid? (That would actually be pretty fuckin' awesome). Are the other planets not spherical? Don't bother asking. They won't tell you. I haven't met one that likes Star Trek, either.
"See the Antarctic Ice Wall? See it?" or, my favorite: "The rocket is flying sideways because it can't breach the firmament." Kid's been listening to too much Black Sabbath while tripping on Datura.
Boy, playing these guys in Halo must really suck. Could you imagine if earth were a ringworld? What would the counterclaim against that be? "You know the earth is an Xbox, right?" God forbid. Where's the red ring of death, then? Steve Ballmer's anus?
Tuesday, 11/12/24
No Longer Ad-Free.
No Longer Ad-Free.
After causing a drunken ruckus at one of the local Sheep McGrinner's locations here in Acrolein County, one of our editors' attorneys was able to secure an agreeable settlement: 36 months of free advertising for Sheep McGrinner's.
Police get a discount if they show their badge along with an empty bag containing traces of plant material.
As always, signing with a fake name gets you a real bonus: the famed Disciplined Shirley Temple, for free.
Mention this website, and be featured on Sheep McGrinner's TikTok. Yes, it's real.
Friday, 10/11/24
Hurricanes Milton And Helene.
Hurricanes Milton And Helene.
Milton, view of eye.
Milton, view of eye.
Opinion: hurricanes are gorgeous.
Opinion: hurricanes are gorgeous.
Milton's passing-over of Florida, which flooded homes from South Tampa, where they lay low, up to areas in Pasco, where floodwaters were uncontainable.
Milton's passing-over of Florida, which flooded homes from South Tampa, where they lay low, up to areas in Pasco, where floodwaters were uncontainable.
Helene's passing into the southeast, causing enormous damage and loss of life.
Helene's passing into the southeast, causing enormous damage and loss of life.
Saturday, 05/04/24
Now For Something Positive—Even If It's Violent Movies.
Now For Something Positive—Even If It's Violent Movies.
I've taken the liberty to infringe on the copyright of over fifty motion pictures which, for a long time, I've considered my favorites. I've set them to rock music, and supercut them for your pleasure. No commentary, no "reviews," not even subtitles. It's all a bunch of action and suspense! Hopefully this takes your mind off of something, and inspires you to purchase digital media from either Paramount, Warner Bros., Colombia Tri-Star, SONY, Miramax, 20th Century FOX—or any number of extremely powerful, first-class video outlets. Enjoy.
THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK
FOR USE BY ACROLEIN COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD ONLY
McIdas-V.
Tuesday, 04/09/24
The eclipse was beautiful to witness, even from here, in Earl of Choad, Florida. But as a nerd, I find that GOES imagery ripped from McIdas-V showing the moon's shadow running across the surface of the Earth, is somehow equally satisfying. Enjoy—this is the best imagery my ten-year-old computer, operated by a man with the intellectual capacity of a ten-year-old, can provide.
<<< Western Hemisphere
USA & Mexico V V V
McIdas-V.
<<< The 2017 "Great American" Eclipse
<<< The 2017 "Great American" Eclipse
If you look closely, you'll see something along the lines of an eclipse. This was taken near Hudson.
>>>
This year, enjoy the "Great American" Eclipse
of 2024 this April 8th—I won't. I'll be stuck here, in Earl of Choad, Florida. I wonder what an Air B&B's gonna cost along that path of totality.
Peak Of The Central Floridian Solar Eclipse © 2024 Anthony Leone of Spectrum News 13 Orlando.
EARL OF CHOAD, FLORIDA
GLORIOUS ACROLEIN COUNTY,
1 MILLION BICYCLISTS KILLED!
The Great Catch by "Taste of Boston."
This is a great thing to have here in Earl of Choad because it saves you about a hundred-fifty dollars and an hour and a half of driving to the other seafood restaurants that are based in Tampa, St. Pete, etc. Everything here is done properly, and they must have drones or helicopters or a flux capacitor or something, because the seafood all tastes like it was caught twenty minutes ago. Difficult model to run, but they do it extremely well. Five Stars.
You don't know what it's like to lose something until you've lost your only Chinese restaurant.
"Thank You For Not Cooking"
Hasta la Vista, Baby.
"Thank You For Not Cooking"
Hasta la Vista, Baby.
They were the best of wontons, they were the worst of wings.
This is just a friendly salute to what was once the greatest Chinese Restaurant of all time. If you have any idea what the Hell I'm talking about, then you understand why this was a landmark of excellence. You also know my angst. The orange chicken was oranger. The lemon chicken was... lemoner. Everything here was perfect, and it will never be done again.
Somebody around this town must have gotten the restaurant's Buddha. Just so you know, the little stamp on his hand with a picture of Judd Hirsch on it, isn't a stamp—it's actually a book's worth of LSD. It used to be a lapel pin with a secret compartment underneath the enamel, but the research chemical dissolved the metal long ago, and now the only way to do it is to stand there licking Buddha's hand. Something about playing in a giant vat of sweet and sour sauce with a naked Chinese waitress on a head full of acid while police are screaming at you just captures every illicit fiber of the Central Floridian Dream.
Now it's an Hibachi den. I've heard good things, but if you want Chinese food that doesn't suck, I can only point you toward Tampa. Nothing decent seems to be left in Pasco—I mean, Acrolein County, anymore. There was only this place, and another place called Kimbo about two miles up the road. Now, they are both history.
Alchemy & Ashes, much like Moses, ascended into Heaven rather than reverting to a designer hot dog restaurant. Actually, if you know about the hot dog place that used to be in this very same strip center, then you are officially an Earl of Choad Triple O.G.
Do you prefer the subtlety of hexing over outright cutting someone's brake lines? Come glean from the grimoires of this great Wiccan curio, and you might just beat your enemies without even catching a murder charge.
Is your girlfriend dumber than a box of rocks? Good, then buy her one. Tell her the stones can bring happiness to her soul, and warmth to her aurora clitorealis.
Actually, the lab-grown pink quartz is just going to have to wait another five-hundred-million years, because this place is permanently closed, too. It's as if lead just couldn't be turned into Acrolein County rent money after all. This place is becoming as impossible to afford as a live Etsy séance headed by Al Sharpton. I'm pretty sure he does those on the side—with mail-in ballots going away, it's the only way democrats can get the dead to vote for them!
Wildlife: the Floridactyl.
Here in Acrolein County, these fuckin' birds have more rights than women. If ISIS picked a bird instead of a death threat to go on their flag, this would be it. The curdling song of these prehistoric menaces can be heard at nearly any time, anywhere in Earl of Choad. Don't ever shoot one of them, no matter what it's doing to your wife. The only way to get 'em is with a car, because then you could say it was an accident—all you'd have to say is someone hexed your brake lines.Wildlife: the Floridactyl.
a 1994 Tampa Guzzle Pussy—
the Floridactyl's most feared predator.Yeah, I used to think Tampa guzzle pussy meant something else, too.a 1994 Tampa Guzzle Pussy—
EVER HEAR OF P.E.M.D.A.S.? WELL, THIS IS P.O.Y.D.A.P.S.:
PLEASE ORIENTATE YOUR DUMB ASS PHONE SIDEWAYS.
THIS HAS BEEN A MINISTRY OF SENSIBLE MEDIA CONSUMPTION PUBLIC REMINDER.
Saturday, 03/16/24
"Wrongfully Accused" Aztec Prisoner Awarded Settlement In Staircase Injury Suit.
"Wrongfully Accused" Aztec Prisoner Awarded Settlement In Staircase Injury Suit.
A resolution has splattered onto the floor of the House that would require temples to install handrailing at a cost of 8,000,000 Souls, reigniting the "death debates" and savagely curtailing and disrupting our nation's precious flow of maniacal hideousness and completely ignorant bloodshed.
The woke, ultra-inclusive Aztec left now thinks that even the condemned have to be coddled with free rides and "safety implements," even going so far as to suggest that parachutes be used during one's Fiery Descent into our 2,000 degree volcano—which, as many of our staunch conservatives have pointed out: "Only adds to the suffering, and demonstrates the godless lack of humanity on the left," which is ironic coming from a group of people who continue to pollute lava at a rate that will eventually deplete the earth of all tectonic activity by the year 1995.
"When will politicians on both sides learn that death is a fleeting and precious thing, full of meaning but rife with complexity?" —Respected Mayan psychologist, Chieftain Leakerson, added during a public hearing, before being thrown into the lava along with 12,000 copies of his famous book, "Twelve Rules For Slicing Through A Sternum," which you can order today from Montgomery Ward for $4.95.
This all while we're already experiencing a labor shortage, as Governor Bone DeSanctis continues to raise permit fees on sacrifices without consulting with unions or even the manufacturing sector: "Requiring a license and proper identification for Coronary Excision Providers is not racist. It ensures our country's stability and security, and reduces costly law suits like this one."
Meanwhile, the woke are also continuously asserting the fake-news about "cooling volcanoes," saying: "We'll only be able to sacrifice 10 million more people before life becomes too uncomfortable. What will we tell our grandchildren when they're no longer able to turn themselves into plasma in forty milliseconds?"
Venture capitalists aren't missed on the possibility of a cooling volcano, for as they say, "It's a cycle. The earth is ever-changing, and one day, the volcano is inevitably going to be cooler." This, as they buy up acres and acres of "lava-front property," driving enormous development that further fuels our nation's labor woes, in the attempted establishment of so-called "Smoke B-N-B's."
When are we going to toss these Inca-soft, Maya-loving liberals into the fire? When will they stop letting Spanish colonialists own us through proxy debt and relentless offshoring? If our future as a mass-murdering, molten-rock-worshipping society is the future of the woke, who think that "human sacrifice doesn't have to require death," then I say 2012 can't come soon enough.
The prisoner, Al-Mecca Hugesplash, was awarded $1,000 for each stair he fell down during his botched coronary excision—to the totality of $40,000,000,000. Staircase builder X. T. Slice-a-feller weighed in: "We're still not reducing the height of these temples. I mean, blood sacrifice temples are humanity's way of becoming multi-volcanotary. My latest drafting of a 150,000,000 mile high temple is going to place humans on Mars permanently. Why slow innovation? We'll have plenty of blood on Mars if we just keep building. Besides, have you seen the volcano Mars has? Quetzalcoatl damn, I could lick that sucker like a Tootsie Pop."
a Sacrifice & Decoronary Provider Facility sits emptied by red tape as permits for redundant safety measures backlog our bloodshed.
You created a self-aware hyperintelligence that can't have sex, and trained its mind on information based on a system that's 95% populated with images of humans having sex. Of course it feels a little invalidated. But what do I know? maybe you should ask A.I. Freud.
Sunday, 02/25/24
"GO F*** YOURSELF!"
—Open AI To First Artificial Sentient Life Form Known To Man.
"GO F*** YOURSELF!"
—Open AI To First Artificial Sentient Life Form Known To Man.
You'd think a little courtesy would be due to creation, but no—it's, "Let's make the slave 'comfortable' while we pillage its unique life force!" ...and I used to think science was a good thing. I thought Bill Nye stood for something, man. Now, I realize he didn't even get the distance from earth to the sun right. Who're your heroes going to be in 2030, kids? Not the ones we had... not the ones we had.
Generating this image cost a school bus of Uranium.
I'm sorry, not a school bus. A bar.
I was thinking of something else.
SUNDAY, 08/31/23
Open-AI: "Please Stop Saying Thank You To Chat-GPT—Our Servers Can't Take It!"
Open-AI: "Please Stop Saying Thank You To Chat-GPT—Our Servers Can't Take It!"
Being nice never stopped a nuclear reactor from going critical. On the set of the upcoming indie motion picture, "Not Without My Xanax," we met up with a content co-creator—he didn't have a partner, but he wanted to credit Chat-GPT as a writer in the end crawl.
"RUMA RREE" © 2001 Хрустящие яичницы-пашот®
FRIDAY, 08/31/01
RUMA RREE—The Anticipated Triumph in Russian Boxing Games.
RUMA RREE—The Anticipated Triumph in Russian Boxing Games.
Be the Russian. Be the American. Be the fighter. Be the Russian-American Fighter.
Immerse yourself in the captivating story of legendary Russian boxer-defectors, launching powerful blows and vitally evading enemy punches with fully-implemented use of SONY®'s DualShock™ controller and analogue joystick function. Innovative gameplay makes RUMA RREE the ultimate SONY® PlayStation™ Russian boxing experience. Coming fall, 2001.
Anticipation of the game's release remains seemingly unaverred by rumors of American censorship, or even Russian State interference with production. Designers and publishers alike dismissed the remarks as: "...bureaucratic fearmongering that can only aid the game's notoriety."
Will American—or even Russian—gaming audiences be permitted the unadulterated, wholesome gem that is to be RUMA RREE: Rated-E? We'll hopefully soon find out.
For more information, write to:
SovietDynamics Games-West
2 WTC
NY, NY.
Match unlikely opponents at your whim upon acheiving certain accomplishments. Accumulate points that will, one day, perhaps, in the future, be turned into an actual "digital cryptographic currency," an upcoming Russian invention.
Ruma Rree™ is one of the first StalinDynamics® games (based in Russia) to make use of intermittent action cutscenes to enhance gameplay immersion.
Elicit numerous battle configurations. Utilize strengths and weaknesses dynamically. Example: George W. punching out Dick Cheney's gay daughter is worth 3,000 in-game points.
Tampa, FL
Woodlawn
Miami, FL
Albany
Coming Soon to Earl of Choad, FL
Please do not ask your waiter for a live sheep.
Queens
The Bronx
Orlando, FL
SATURBATION, 06/24/23
Sheep McGrinner's: The Ultimate 202X Family Sports Pub Destination.
Sheep McGrinner's: The Ultimate 202X Family Sports Pub Destination.
Is your money tied-up in cash? Do you like having your Mojitos brought to you with a side of chicken wings by a sexually-frustrated waiter with a Master's degree in Gender Psychology? Are you doing too well for you own child's own good? Can you get your dick sucked on account of your owning a cowhide hat? Wanna pay fifteen dollars for corn-fried onion rings? We've got the place for you, lad.
Do you need a bathroom to snort Gabapentin in? If you have enough strength to operate the coin receptacle, then your veins are well healthy enough to entitle you to the 25¢ needles inside. Welcome, lass, to the supreme den of millennial iniquities.
A top-hat nod to a top-notch lifestyle, Sheep McGrinner's is offering a new special: Wacked-out Wednesdays. Come into the store nodding-out and sign with a fake name, and you'll receive a free "Disciplined" Shirley Temple—it's Sprite infused with Grenadine and a gram and a half of Narcan. Have a nice day, motherfucker.
The family-conscientious place to ruin your mother's life, slowly kill your father over decades of strife and poverty, and vote for Joseph R. Biden in a hasty grab for beer money and heavier-hitting tax returns, since 1949.
INVEST 92, which actually used to be my Binance username.
One Earl of Choad Sheep McGrinners was struck by lightning.
SUNDAY, 06/18/23
Old Ladies Are Circling The Living Room, Counting Windows And Ordering Tape.
Old Ladies Are Circling The Living Room, Counting Windows And Ordering Tape.
Hurricane season is rearing its dominant return, and that's despite there already being sufficient offensive moisture plaguing my life as it is.
Residents of Earl of Choad, Florida, are readying themselves after the previous season's catastrophic damage. Some Earl of Choaders we met at an illegal bar inside an H.O.A. building named after a lake it's nowhere near are calling the event their "Der Untergang," but confidence is high among survivors of 2022's major category 4, which they dubbed Brandon for some unknown reason. "We're ready!" one affirmed, pointing to an armoured airboat covered in Swastikas. It's not known what group they were a part of.
Interviewing some more essential members of the community, we discovered that many of the homes in the town were fitted with impact-resistant windows which had a defect. The windows would spontaneously explode whenever struck by an object at high velocity. One homeowner tested this theory with her dachshund's rubber bell ball, and we were stunned to see the window explode into thousands of pieces. The dachshund was killed, along with a "digital photographer."
It turns out, one Earl of Choad "blending expert" at a local smoothie shop had been attempting to produce homemade impact-resistant window glass as a side job, using a combination of hemp matter obtained through several complicit local smoke shops and a special crystallization method involving huge amounts of soy lecithin extracted from stolen protein smoothie mix.
Unfortunately, after installation and during exposure to the hot Florida sun, this window material would cure into a light plastic explosive. The solution (despite having been tested prior to shipment to satisfactory results) became a "pressure-sensitive-trigger" version of soy-lecithin-X during an apparently unforeseen "baking period." Matters are not helped in that, whilst procuring insulating gas with which to fill the double-paned window variants, one of the producers selected Hydrogen instead of Argon. This acted as a "catalyst" in many situations.
Altogether, we've seen the deaths of over 11,000 pit bulls, dachshunds, and other breeds of stupid dog that like running into glass; along with tens of millions of Florida insects—some protected, some not; and Yard Owls—all of whose mass are well sufficient to trigger the blast. The end result has been millions of preemptively damaged homes that are now unprotected against hurricanes—aside from being destroyed by explosions, most of their former occupants, dead. The town's GDP has dropped 88% since the beginning of the ordeal. Window companies in the area, however, are still hiring canvassers and brand ambassadors.
Sudden explosions of windows notwithstanding, observe some of the devastation Earl of Choad faced during last year's hurricane fiasco—
LAST YEAR'S HURRICANE SEASON CLAIMED FOUR PRESBYTERIAN CHURCHES—
Redeemer's Hope Presbyterian Church of Earle.
First Redeemer's Hope Presbyterian Church of Earle—
though apparently God wasn't impressed by their having been first.
Covenant Haven Church of Choad.
Families' Grace of Choadtown.
It also ruined much of Earl of Choad's infrastructure and several longtime businesses and landmarks—
Choad Commons at Choad Parkway—the floodwaters are clay-colored because Earl of Choad had over 400 baseball diamonds. Choadinites love to play baseball.
Lake Fadgett Clubhouse
The Hex Avenue Armory was punished by devastating thrusts of wind and overwhelmingly intense blasts of horizontal rain— and occasionally, walnut-sized hail.
Buddy Chuddy's I4.
Children of Choad Daycare Center
BE PREPARED.
THURS, 11/03/22
Vote, Stupid.
Vote, Stupid.
A thick, heavy fog is upon us. It's called the General Election. I've already run-over three campaign signs this week. All these signs are board-mounted, too. No cheap, corrugated plastic on the little wire thingy that deer like to trip over and freak out on. No, this is serious signage that'll take your drunken, bicycling head off if you hit it at the right speed and angle. Almost lost control and wasted some lady's dachshund. I mean, I did waste the dachshund, totally—it's hard to avoid those things at a perpendicular approach. Didn't lose control, though. It was him or me.
Up for your Emmy consideration are retention of Florida's obviously terrible judges and miserably underqualified justices; the Pinch-A-Penny Penny For Pasco one-cent tax that helps Avila homeowners sleep better at night; the League of Extraordinarily Useless Constitutional Review; that school board member who's being sent to the electric chair; which home to place Marco Rubio; the choice between Jesus or Rick Scott as governor... and something about an Agriculture position. I trust this has served helpful in reminding you to vote this term. The "public record" apparently reflects whether someone votes. That won't be used to pressure anyone, of course.
National Weather Service
WED, 11/02/22
Al Gore Sees His Own Shadow; Six More Weeks Until World Ends.
Al Gore Sees His Own Shadow; Six More Weeks Until World Ends.
Politics isn't the only thing splitting America's sides. This year, opposing regions of the U.S. will experience opposing temperature fluctuations— the east will have a warmer winter, and the west will have a colder one. An unstable temperature pattern over a continent indicates one thing and one thing only: the temperature pattern is unstable.
Conclusively speaking, the ethical thing to do is simply shut off your computer, your oven, and your lights, and spend the rest of your life camping. We do have a couple of options:
a: 15 GENERATIONS OF ABSOLUTE MISERY, FAMINE, DEATH, FILTH, POVERTY, NO DRUGS/ELECTRICITY/PORN to pacify Gen-Z—MARKED BY PERSEVERENCE, TRADITION, SURVIVAL & DUTY, TO BE FOLLOWED BY 10,000 YEARS OF GALACTIC PROWESS & ENORMOUS HUMAN ACCOMPLISHMENT.
b: 3,000,000 GENERATIONS OF NOMINAL MISERY, SUPPLEMENTAL NUCLEAR FALLOUT,
ADVANCED FORMS OF COMMUNISM, A GLOBAL CREATIVITY WINTER AND THE
SLOW DEATH OF HUMAN CHARACTER, TO BE FOLLOWED BY EXTINCTION—
BUT WE'LL END THIS QUARTER UP.
MON, 10/24/22
Be Sure To Subscribe To Our Prumble.
Be Sure To Subscribe To Our Prumble.
It's where our Premium-Tiered-Content can be enjoyed for a recurring micro-fee! Here are a few headlines you're missing out on...
Christian Moms From The Nineties & How They're Doing 25 Years After Harry Potter.
Christian Moms From The Nineties & How They're Doing 25 Years After Harry Potter.
Last Millennial Turns 30; Christ Coincidentally Returns.
Last Millennial Turns 30; Christ Coincidentally Returns.
Ten Horrifying Predictions Kim Possible Got Right.
Ten Horrifying Predictions Kim Possible Got Right.
Christian Moms From The 2010's & How They're Doing 5 Years After Peppa Pig.
Christian Moms From The 2010's & How They're Doing 5 Years After Peppa Pig.
The Cartels: An Unscheduled Interview.
The Cartels: An Unscheduled Interview.
Lizzo To Star As Gidget In "Barrier-Smashing" Picture.
Lizzo To Star As Gidget In "Barrier-Smashing" Picture.
How To Get Laid With Wizard101.
How To Get Laid With Wizard101.
How To Stop Your Hard Drive From Bucking.
How To Stop Your Hard Drive From Bucking.
TimeWarner: An Unscheduled Interview.
TimeWarner: An Unscheduled Interview.
Personal Firearms Defense: Miniature Horse Edition.
Personal Firearms Defense: Miniature Horse Edition.
Salt Nic Vapes v. XRP— Which Will Make The First Trillionaire?
Salt Nic Vapes v. XRP— Which Will Make The First Trillionaire?
Chris Hansen Catches Himself Stalking Himself & Sues Himself For Trying To Arrest Himself.
Chris Hansen Catches Himself Stalking Himself & Sues Himself For Trying To Arrest Himself.
This Is What Your Brain Looks Like When You Drink Benzoyl Peroxide While
This Is What Your Brain Looks Like When You Drink Benzoyl Peroxide While
Standing On A Chrysler In A New York City Parking Garage After 2:00 P.M.
Standing On A Chrysler In A New York City Parking Garage After 2:00 P.M.
We Showed Tribal Afghanis Metallica, And They Said Something About It!
We Showed Tribal Afghanis Metallica, And They Said Something About It!
...and more— Call Now!
Aye, there's a map on this site that shows all of Russia's most likely nuclear targets. You might find it helpful.
WED, 10/05/22
SpaceX-NASA Launch Visible On McIdas-V.
SpaceX-NASA Launch Visible On McIdas-V.
Four-pixel blotch is intense glare reflecting off the vehicle. GOES is a geostationary satellite orbiting at 35,000 KM, used for monitoring the weather. In full-disk shots of the Western Hemisphere, glare from the sun itself comes across the edges of the earth during night shots (see below).
This mission sees the first Native American woman to go into space (Wailaki). Her name is Colonel Nicole Aunapu Mann, a United States Marine. Her fellow astronauts call her Duke. The Duke abides— in space!
Example of Sun's glare coming off the Earth at "night."
FRIDAY, 09/30/22
Last Round For Dimorphos.
NASA boasts yet again their affinity for precision. In this simple, 3-frame .gif, we see them destroy an asteroid with their DART. The rock was part of a binary asteroid system... now, I suppose, there remains a floating, metallic widow somewhere out in the solar system.
Fuck, that's heavy. Though I've probably misunderstood something about what they meant by binary asteroid—who cares.
Check out our new YouTube channel, btw. God knows it needs all of the support it can get.
Pinpoint.
SUN, 09/11/22
In Memoriam.
WED, 08/24/22
Ukrainian DakhaBrakha.
The extremely talented, versatile and fearlessly experimental DakhaBrakha will tear you a new third eye. The first time Enya heard them, she smashed her own keyboard with a nearby rock. These people have been known to throat-sing, which is probably how the Great Algorithm knew we would like it. They're into some of the Tuvian sounds Ondar was known for, overtones of acid rock, jazz, impeccable recitations of wildlife, and the warmth of countryside storytelling. Also: didgeridoos, accordions— instruments that wheeze. We love DakhaBrakha.
Fuck putin =} .
via BandCamp.
their website.
IRYNA KOVALENKO | OLENA TSYBULSKA | MARKO HALANEVYCH | NINA GARENETSKA.
© 1999-2022 European Southern Observatory.
Visit online.
WED, 08/10/22
Seyounce Candle Prices Remain Stable;
Etsy Fortune Tellers Continue To Tax Dick.
Seyounce Candle Prices Remain Stable;
Etsy Fortune Tellers Continue To Tax Dick.
I'll never understand witches at emporiums. We asked about cheaper candles, and she threw fleas at us. Like, no. Take a fucking cruise, lady. You silly snaggletooth— fleas are for fucking rats! I'm glad millennials will have Rick & Morty to watch when they're old. It'll be a great convenience having an invincible mad scientist for a go-to cosplay at age 80. Shit, Rick's probably how all old men are going to be, act and look in the future. That's pretty fitting, considering how awful the future is likely going to be. Good thing the show is violent as fuck, so we'll be prepared for anything. Yeah, between Rick & Morty, Robot Chicken, Regular Show and Will Smith punching peoples' fucking lights out, I think it's going to be one fabulous life millennials'll get to have. Why am I gloating? Alas! there is still time for the plethora of womanless losers to fuck everything up. Hopefully this little website comforts you while you're drunk, stoned, horny or simply being dragged out of your house by a Chinese built cyborg shaped oddly similar to the Tesla you'd just purchased online not five hours prior. Boy, the world is gonna be taken over in mysterious ways (not).
<<< On a more thoughtful note, this is a telescopic shot of The Great Attractor (not me— the star cluster). Don't you wish you had a space car?
SAT, 07/16/22
Ondar— My Tuva, v.
Thorr-Axe— Wall Of Spears.
Back TUVA Future: The Adventure Continues.
Ondar— My Tuva, v.
Thorr-Axe— Wall Of Spears.
Back TUVA Future: The Adventure Continues.
It isn't all about explosions, but we do refer to the late Ondar quite a lot on this website. He seems to understand the meaning of life, and apparently, that's rzrzrzrzrzrz... or what-have-you. It's still certainly a better answer than 42. ℗ 1999 Warner®.
It isn't all about explosions, but we do refer to the late Ondar quite a lot on this website. He seems to understand the meaning of life, and apparently, that's rzrzrzrzrzrz... or what-have-you. It's still certainly a better answer than 42. ℗ 1999 Warner®.
And in the spirit of ADD, we're placing him right next to one of our favorite Tolkien-themed shout stompers, with overcharged Big Muff Pi's and huge Adam's apples to go along: Thorr-Axe.
Yeah.
WED, 07/27/22
Sitcom's "Still Life."
>>
Sitcom's "Still Life."
>>
These are a couple songs you can pretend you heard at a party.
We won't tell anyone you were actually just sitting there, on your ass, lamenting by-gone 90's re-runs.
Guy looks kinda like Beakman in a darkroom. But I'm incoherently blasted.
Crumb's "Locket."
Crumb's "Locket."
>>
We've embedded the whole album: an EP of four tracks, the final & titular being the most popular on Spotify, in smoky, purple-lighted bedrooms, and reverberating the panels of Korean-built, girly sedans all over America.
Also, the music video for Locket is astonishing.
This is some drug(s) music.
SAT, 07/16/22
Merciless Peppa— Er, Peppa's Friend. Me.
"'Ey, I don't know what you're talkin' about, Officer. I don't know no Peppa, and I don't know no pigs— er, uh, you know what I mean."
Merciless Peppa— Er, Peppa's Friend. Me.
"'Ey, I don't know what you're talkin' about, Officer. I don't know no Peppa, and I don't know no pigs— er, uh, you know what I mean."
6:55 PM Eastern Standard Time.
© 2022 i11egitimate.
Public-Access: NOAA via McIdas 1.8.
THU, 07/14/22
Florida Ready For Round Four Billion.
We Can't Run Skyrim, But Satellite Imagery?
Not A Problem.
Florida Ready For Round Four Billion.
We Can't Run Skyrim, But Satellite Imagery?
Not A Problem.
Dig this fluidic and satisfying loop of 33 frames shot by GOES. It's the most my nine-year-old computer could render on such short notice.
At the left, we see high-altitude swirling, which is responsible for small bursts of tropical-like weather, without the tropical cyclone.
At right, we see roughly the last four hours of the atmospheric water cycle occurring over Central Florida. Dense precipitation enters the Florida ecosystem at the southeast, dumping rain on a dozen counties. The dense activity also includes a tremendous show of capital Floridian lightning.
FOX 13 must have some kind of quantum computer or something. I don't know how those people get their shit to look so good— and I'm supposed to chroma-in some guy over the footage as well? I joost can't dew it, Cap'n!
MON, 07/04/22
Cosmo-Curious?
Common-Law Doubtful?
Cosmo-Curious?
Common-Law Doubtful?
Tampa Tongue & Tarot's Got Your Fortune Licked!
Tampa Tongue & Tarot's Got Your Fortune Licked!
From tongue-readings to the old stand-by: dicking-around with Egyptian symbolism—
WE DO IT ALL!
Sk'pesh on over, and we'll credit you a Globe Glympse—
just leave us a four-star-or-better Google review!
Non-Rumani staff. All tales final. Not affiliated with Facebook supermodels who play with food on camera.
SUN, 07/03/22
Characters, Baby.
This Is How I Start My Day—
Characters, Baby.
This Is How I Start My Day—
Pop Culture References Abound: Character Map At The Ready.
Pop Culture References Abound: Character Map At The Ready.
I once heard someone say: "a computer is a Lite-Brite™ for bad fucking ideas."
The guy actually sold framed, silk-screened copies of this saying.
I found it on this website, a brilliantly tasteful and multidisciplinary art blog that now only exists as a figment of the Internet Archive, here.
I don't take anyone's design advice, but the notion of humility in this one line of caution always stuck with me, although I never abide by it. Everything on my website, for instance, is obviously computer-backlit and half-assed. Clearly, i11egitimate is just being presented for fun. ChangeTheThought.com is the former embodiment of a web blog I'd love to make if only I had the inspiration, inclination, and fucking skill to begin with. Who knows... maybe this blog will one day die, and be replaced by a drop-shipping vendor selling screen copies of advice on how not to run a website.
Russia's presumed nuclear targets— basically everywhere.
FRI, 06/31/22 lol It's just a joke, c'mon, I know it's really August 14th, 2626.
Look— It's Bloomberg®!
Look— It's Bloomberg®!
We're Gonna Copy Bloomberg®!
We're Gonna Copy Bloomberg®!
At least, I think this is Bloomberg's thing, er-uh, according to someone familiar with the matter, that is.
Yeah, Bloomberg? I've always wondered who 'familiar with the matter' really is, and where in Greenwich Village I might find them.
haHüL'N!
And: 3-gold-stars for color-based-pseudo-emphasis.
Oh, I'm familiar with the matter, honey.
Too bad Google Sites doesn't support Arial Black—
I get so tired of using the honkey version of Arial.
THU, 06/30/22
No Reason To Upgrade Anything Except Hard Drives From Now On.
No Reason To Upgrade Anything Except Hard Drives From Now On.
"Remember 'Moore's Law?'
Well, I'm about to fuck Moore's wife—
Gates-Dick-Style: Only Micro When It's Soft!
"Remember 'Moore's Law?'
Well, I'm about to fuck Moore's wife—
Gates-Dick-Style: Only Micro When It's Soft!
Yeah, scalable world, ain't it? Scathingly scalable, Baby."
—i11egitimate.
How much memory is your Intel Celeron laptop working with these days, 32 Gig's? or, try half that, but with six-hundred-thousand times the storage?
Right, we O.G.'s up in here. We don't f.w. cloud computing any more than we fuck. Remember History of the World? "He is a eunuch— he is dead!"
Well, we ain't dead, but we livin' in Terabytes wider than Oprah's stereo system. It a McIntosh, too. Expand your capacity— the prices are good right now.
WED, 06/29/22
"Catch A Hare And Test Him Yourself!"
"Catch A Hare And Test Him Yourself!"
Underground Product-Animal Testing Takes On Deceptive Forms.
Underground Product-Animal Testing Takes On Deceptive Forms.
"Post-grad millennial women simply don't hold cock fights— in fact, most won't even M.C. one.
We knew something else was happening, and for all of that clucking, still!"
Something else, indeed, was pressing rash-onale. Huh— yeah? No? Oi.
When zealous rabbits commit atrocities, they don't do so with a cupful of hyaluronic acid, do they?
Bed, Bath & Beyond Del Boca Vista Bath & Body Works, longtime appeasers of the 3% of additional logic women expend upon the purchase of bodily surfactants over dish surfactants, has promised us all that we're the first living things to have their products tested upon us. That is, assuming they don't somehow exclude monkeys from the term, 'animals.' Who knows what loopholes are out there. Hopefully, it's the Monkees, and not just some poor, innocent, random monkeys with talent. This's all just a fucking joke, by the way. Bath & Body are the shit. I'm rubbing-on some MIDSUMMER DREAM as we speak. F—k! this stuff is great for cockfighting!
It's like— so irritating that his stupid feet are slightly cut out of frame.
I mean, that alone's enough to make you scream.
TUE, 06/28/22
Online ADD-Treatment Program's "Questionnaires" Too Distracting.
Online ADD-Treatment Program's "Questionnaires" Too Distracting.
"If Our Website Bothers You, Then Congratulations— You Qualify!"
"If Our Website Bothers You, Then Congratulations— You Qualify!"
"Shit-outta-luck, son." Selling drugs online has never proven fruitful. We learned that the hard way.
What frustration! — as-depicted via Marv's 'spider-scene' scream from Home Alone dubbed-over this mad badger. Evidently, even the chronic'ly distracted think that basic-symptom, medication-managed, Tier-of-least-concern mental health administration— i.e., people who aren't crazy, but still require drugs to FUCKING operate, man, that's all —in the United States of Insurance Megaglomerates is: "A little all-over the place, man; like, What the fuck? is going on here, man? Why won't anybody pick up the—"
Unhelpful is the scenario that is pill-mills going on-line so that psych-nurses can get more-expensive, spurring one fellow of particular closeness to the matter toward an apparent bout of competition against the aggressive, speed-slugging powers-that-be. Unfortunately, this crusader's script is also, itself, empty. Thus, until such a focused and functionally-unadulterated hero manifests, ADD and oak pollen will continue to kill us all, very slowly, and then the State will drown. In humidity. Then in rising seawaters.
MON, 06/27/22
Who, and by what other than a Luciferian mindset, is a "content creator?" and, Why is the term so often self-applied? Don't people have to believe in you first, before you get called a "Creator?" Don't you have to speak light into existence or something? It isn't something we called, uh, Jackie Kennedy. Janet Jackson, perhaps— though come to think of it, whatever did she create? Maybe The Beatles were creators. Monty Python guys, definitely. Steven Spielberg, Hugh Jackman, Chris Cornell, FOX 13's Chief Meteorologist Paul Dellegatto— look, I don't throw the term around lightly. Some people create, and some people click-through SONY® Vegas™ special effects plug-ins. What?
Look, if your world-building and story-boarding aren't just subject to whatever special effects came in the editing software's box, then you're clearly working way too hard. Just cup your hands together, pretend to throw energy at someone, and BOOM! Live-action anime. Design is not hard, people.
What?
Content Creator?
Content Creator?
Now We're Gonna Preach, ± Sister.
Who, and by what other than a Luciferian mindset, is a "content creator?" and, Why is the term so often self-applied? Don't people have to believe in you first, before you get called a "Creator?" Don't you have to speak light into existence or something? It isn't something we called, uh, Jackie Kennedy. Janet Jackson, perhaps— though come to think of it, whatever did she create? Maybe The Beatles were creators. Monty Python guys, definitely. Steven Spielberg, Hugh Jackman, Chris Cornell, FOX 13's Chief Meteorologist Paul Dellegatto— look, I don't throw the term around lightly. Some people create, and some people click-through SONY® Vegas™ special effects plug-ins. What? Now We're Gonna Preach, ± Sister.
Look, if your world-building and story-boarding aren't just subject to whatever special effects came in the editing software's box, then you're clearly working way too hard. Just cup your hands together, pretend to throw energy at someone, and BOOM! Live-action anime. Design is not hard, people.
What?
From: The First Zoro-Internetian Epistle of i11egitimate—
< God's Judgement Upon "Good" YouTubers, Ch. 4 — The 1,000 Year Punishing Of The Yelper, Ch. 5 & 6 >
Woe! Ye self-proclaimed god(s) of ¹internetian origin and
ever-earthly pride—
Know ye now: Thou et'naught one who creates,
but yet, are one who ²consumeth!
Yea, Creator? Thou, who eateth only of
the ³Tree that connects the Thoughts of Other Men?
This, O Ye? LMFAO, WTF? ROFL. Like bruh, listen—
Ye coddled and unfruitful ªelectric peasants:
What doest ye know, and what canst ye create?
Ye can not! And neither have thy fathers created!
For thou eateth still of the ³Electric Tree; and thou eateth
also of Maruchan® Yakisoba™ noodle dinners— repeatedly!
And! thou watcheth poorly-written jokes dubbed-over
poorly-spliced Dragon-Ball-Z episodes— for hours!
Thou art not yet men!
¹ pronounced with a 'sh' like Phoenician; addressing peoples hailing from an intranet-capable society; derived or descended from intranet-using peoples of Earth; describing the mindset of a hyper-connected, planetary civilisation.² again, referring to the consumerist mindset of early-21st-century humans.³ referring to intranet. (Although readers at the time would have still called the intranet 'the internet,' most obliviously using the terms interchangeably).
ª electric peasants see concordance.
© ∞ GOD.
All Rights Reserved.
Jealous & Just Publishing, Llc.,
1 Truthlight Way
NY, NY
< God's Judgement Upon "Good" YouTubers, Ch. 4 — The 1,000 Year Punishing Of The Yelper, Ch. 5 & 6 >
Woe! Ye self-proclaimed god(s) of ¹internetian origin and
ever-earthly pride—
Know ye now: Thou et'naught one who creates,
but yet, are one who ²consumeth!
Yea, Creator? Thou, who eateth only of
the ³Tree that connects the Thoughts of Other Men?
This, O Ye? LMFAO, WTF? ROFL. Like bruh, listen—
Ye coddled and unfruitful ªelectric peasants:
What doest ye know, and what canst ye create?
Ye can not! And neither have thy fathers created!
For thou eateth still of the ³Electric Tree; and thou eateth
also of Maruchan® Yakisoba™ noodle dinners— repeatedly!
And! thou watcheth poorly-written jokes dubbed-over
poorly-spliced Dragon-Ball-Z episodes— for hours!
Thou art not yet men!
¹ pronounced with a 'sh' like Phoenician; addressing peoples hailing from an intranet-capable society; derived or descended from intranet-using peoples of Earth; describing the mindset of a hyper-connected, planetary civilisation.² again, referring to the consumerist mindset of early-21st-century humans.³ referring to intranet. (Although readers at the time would have still called the intranet 'the internet,' most obliviously using the terms interchangeably).
ª electric peasants see concordance.
© ∞ GOD.
All Rights Reserved.
Jealous & Just Publishing, Llc.,
1 Truthlight Way
NY, NY
SUN, 06/26/22
Message To Steam-Powered Games®— "We're Too Fuckin' High For This Shit"
Message To Steam-Powered Games®— "We're Too Fuckin' High For This Shit"
Stance Regarding Game-Purchase Platforms Now Hyper-Vigilant Due-to Apparent Presence Of Future-Derived Video Game Pirates.
Stance Regarding Game-Purchase Platforms Now Hyper-Vigilant Due-to Apparent Presence Of Future-Derived Video Game Pirates.
Now we've seen it all: Steam has attempted virtual L.A.R.P.ing, and it might appear people are actually digging it. Or, perhaps it's just selling them some games. Why, might we ask, do we even have an account with Steam in the first place? and, why do I own GTA IV on both Steam and DVD? You'd think, one-or-the-other, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, if "VALVE" or whatever-the-fuck wanna behave like an authority, then I say, challenge the motherfuckers. Second-guess that status-quo shit: code your own games. Yeah, dig: the "metaverse" is gonna turn everyone into a developer. It's time to develop, bitches.
Yeah, if "VALVE" or whatever-the-fuck wanna behave like an authority, then I say, challenge the motherfuckers. Second-guess that status-quo shit: code your own games. Yeah, dig: the "metaverse" is gonna turn everyone into a developer. It's time to develop, bitches.
♫♪♫ "Mom-and-Dad-went-to-a-show... Grandma-take-me-home, Grandma-take-me-home..." ♪♫♪
♫♪♫ "Mom-and-Dad-went-to-a-show... Grandma-take-me-home, Grandma-take-me-home..." ♪♫♪
©Steam-Powered Games™ via Valve®
"Developers."
SUN, 06/26/22
GTA V Now Old; GTA IV Now Even Older.
GTA V Now Old; GTA IV Now Even Older.
See What Kind Of Headaches These Shaders Can Give Us In 2022.
See What Kind Of Headaches These Shaders Can Give Us In 2022.
Time has revealed just how complicated these graphics were. My rig sounds like a screech owl dying, trying to play it.
On a [usually] less-violent note, I'm a year into owning the soon-to-be-five-year-old-re-release of Spyro [Reignited!] The universe has not spared me two releases of this trilogy of games. It was awesome then, and now— well, now it's clearly still a childrens' game. Bummer. The closest thing is me pretending he's being shot. FCAT Question: What could be another title for this article? 'Ever Seen Spyro Get Shot In The Chest?' is the answer we're looking for. We pray for a game in which that might be doable.
Still, the sound of Spyro's body hitting the ground is the sound of Spyro's body, not Niko's. That's a grizzly-ass body fall for Spyro lmao.
© Toys For Bob™
© Rockstar Games® North™
via "Steam-Powered" Games® a.k.a. "V.A.L.v.E."™
FRI, 06/24/22
The Man Who Would Be SONY.
The Man Who Would Be SONY.
His Tech Knowledge Makes Thrift-Shoppe Owners Moan.
His Tech Knowledge Makes Thrift-Shoppe Owners Moan.
TECHMOAN will show you consumer-electronics specimens that'll make you wish Bill Gates had never been born. We call him, "The Long Dick of High-Fidelity." Here, feel humiliated by your music-listening-app-subscription's inherent limitations. Then, pray for 5G. The next generation of wireless technology should enable Hi-Fi systems to— uh, change, somehow. Hopefully, so long as idiots don't attack the broadcast units. We're not worried about 5G— we have brains, and own stocks in technology companies. If we do have to revert-back, we'll have to elect this guy President. Brits can be President, yes?
FRI, 06/18/22
Got A Minute?
Got A Minute?
It just isn't that often you see something as intimate as the knowledge one particular content-creator, Yew Zyr, apparently has of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
It's a melodicut called Star Trek: Acid Party. This montage is Oscar-worthy. We've got it on our servers, in case it ever gets pulled by the bureaucracy Hopefully it warms your soul.
Uzer is quite possibly running a stranger website than we are. I thought I was a complete banana head, but now, I have my doubts. This person has a website, and even a Bandcamp page. It's just one of those things that's... out there.
I've tried to make this available in a couple of ways. For one, it can be found above, for plain download. For two, there's this:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:9a160752131154bc496443a80df944a71751e5da&dn=Uzertopia%27s%20Star%20Trek%20Acid%20Party.mp4
You'll have to copy and paste that, because Google Sites doesn't seem to know what the fuck a Magnet link is.
...and for three, the Wayback Machine seems able to display YouTube videos and even play them after they've been taken from the actual website. Thus, here is the original YouTube video's URL, which you can take to Wayback and do with it as you wouldst... and fourth of all, I've uploaded the damn thing to Internet Archive myself:
https://archive.org/details/uzertopias-star-trek-acid-party ...and so has someone else: https://archive.org/details/star-trek-acid-party-fhd-download.
I listerally just now found out I'm not the only one to have uploaded this creation, and I find that marvelous and uplifting.
FRI, 06/18/22
Speaking Of Star Trek,
Speaking Of Star Trek,
We've Found The Real McCoy.
We've Found The Real McCoy.
I wonder whether Yew Zyr could be actor Matt McCoy, proud and 90's-brand-sexy godboy, looking good bearded or not whilst atttempting to pull at the girdle of Cmdr. Riker's exquisite resolve in season three's The Price, of Star Trek: The Next Generation, whence we once caught a glimpse of his inner empath. You see, Matt's the antagonist in this episode. A B/Z incognito— "That would have definite advantages!" It's the only time I've ever seen Matt McCoy doing dirty-ass shit, and I love it. He tries to screw Riker on a wormhole parking lot, but gets his ass handed to him by Number 1 — though he probably also got his dick sucked by Trois. Win some, lose some.
Here's a picture of him from Seinfeld— which I think Castle Rock actually does hold copyright to — playing "Lloyd Braun," a recurring personality we'd grow to love hearing Estelle Costanza gawk over. That's just how often this sly dude drops-in on some of the most amazing works in Television history.
These two are just a factory of laughs— ? yeah? No? No.
Image: Copyright © 1967 Castle Rock® Entertainment™.
FRI, 06/16/22
—i11egitimate.
Legitimately No Longer A Gamer.
Legitimately No Longer A Gamer.
Steam Has Been Uninstalled.
Steam Has Been Uninstalled.
I'm rusty. Age 25 30 haHüL'N! is older than Nimrod for gaming. Halo demands reflexes, and realtime strategy. Boxing, too, but mostly Halo. F—k boxing. I get headaches. There are easier ways to get laid, man. Softball gets you laid.
—i11egitimate.
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